What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
