I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
