My liver just broke up with me...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
