While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
