I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
