you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
