At least make sure they are 18
Why
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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