Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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