I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
