Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need water and some morals
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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