i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
