I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The adults are the big ones right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
