I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
