Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
