What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
