I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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