he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
