Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
