dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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