matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
