u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
