Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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