You smell like stripper and shame
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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