Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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