i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
