I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
