It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How naked do you want me to be?
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