I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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