Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
