Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
