I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
