Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
