so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
