How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
