The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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