I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
