i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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