So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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