I want to have your abortion
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
