Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
