I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
