Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
