did you get engaged???
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
