The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
