I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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