my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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