ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wear drunk well.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
