he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
