Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
