i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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