He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
