I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
