Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
