my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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