I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
