just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
