I wannas sexs uuuuu
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
