I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
